Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew. The pizza doesn't scream in the fire

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Roses are red, violets blue, um... that's all i got.

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What do you call a giraffe without a neck? Dead.

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Huh, I never succeeded in any of those, and I tried a lot. Please tell me you never gone with something nasty like that...

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how many toyota's does it take to pee on a soccer game 900 because isis is a cat vagina

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yo mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, 200 l.b.s

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"Knock Knock" "Who's There" "The Police" "The Police Who" "Ma'am your son just died in a car accident"

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How do you hack into someone's computer? A few good hits with a hatchet should do the trick

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A German, an Irishman, a Mexican and a Texan are flying together on an airplane over the ocean. When the plane begins to experience engine trouble, they find that there is only one parachute for the four of them! Through an amazing display of flying skill, however, the pilot is able to complete the flight and land safely.

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What did one theoretical physicist say to another theoretical physicist? Hey there Bill, how's Nancy and the kids doing?

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Why did Polly fall off her roof? Because her dad pushed her.

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I like that, but why am I happy?

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Okay, but lets write a contract, if you regret your decision at anytime, you get it all back, minus what I have spent of course, both I and my wife have always wanted to live in a house by the sea, hopefully you nearby. You know, I have never been truly happy because I thought I could change this world, now I know that I tried and failed, maybe I can change myself instead, they say that true change comes from within.

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What is long, hard, and full of semen? An erected penis.

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Q: How do you measure a ruler A: You don't.

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Why did the police officer shoot the man in the wheelchair? Says the police: "He was running"

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What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? dinner

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What did the pedophile say to the delightfully curly-headed youth? If I can't have you, I'm going to shoot you through the nails with a nail gun.

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Why did the duck eat the fish? It needed protein.

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What's one plus one? 2. Two legit, two legit to quit, hey, hey... What's one plus two? 3. Easy as abc, 123, abc, baby you and me. What's one plus three? 4. hes a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow.

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A prostitution ring operates out of a subway. How much does the prostitute with a foot long penis cost? About $300, for a 12 inch penis is very rare and desirable.

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Your dad must be a drug dealer because I saw him in your kitchen snorting cocaine

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Knock knock Who's there Isabelle Isabelle who? Is-a-bell necessary on a bike

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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