- Anti Joke

you see theres this guy.

Lololol

Why didn't Jenny's mom give her any Christmas presents? She was a selfish, mean, woman and didn't care about her children.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a headache OUCH!

What did the man say to the woman before he had sex with her? "May I have sex with you, please?"

What did the man with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike

Why did the plane crash? Because a loaf of bread was the pilot.

What did the blonde say to the brunette? I just ate a chicken panini.

Why is 16 scared of 17? Because 17, 18, 19 crickets

Ol-ive

There was a man driving his truck down a dark road, half way down the road he see's a man walking alone. He stops beside him, winds down his window and says "Oi mate, need a lift"? The man replies "yeah sure, but can i sleep in the back of the truck"? The driver replies "Yeah sure" later on as the man is sleeping he hears a big bang. "what was that" the man asks. The driver says "Don't worry i just hit a cow, go back to sleep". time goes by and he hears another bang. "W-what was that". "Don't worry i just hit a moose, go back to sleep and ill wake you when we arrive". Few moments latter he hears a tick tick bang. He gets up and yells "What was that"? The driver replies "Dont worry mate i just hit a aboriginal" The man replies "What was those two ticks before that"?. The driver says "I had to drive through two fences to hit the bastard"

Hay is for horses and other hay consuming mammals.

Your in Thailand on a Elephant ride... at the end you jump off but uncle jack is still on the elephant and the elephant wont let him off.... Do you help your uncle, Jack off the elephant?

If there's something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police, because it's obviously a darky that's up to no good.

knock knock Who's there? ...Who's there?... opens door to find a dead baby on the front door step

A mum and a dad were having guests round for dinner. The daughter overheard them arguing. Dad was calling mum a btch and mum was calling dad a bstard. The daughter asked them what it meant and they just said, "oh, it just means ladies and gentlemen". Later, when mum was doing her makeup, she dropped it and said oh "sht". Daughter asked what it meant and mum replked "it's just another word for makeup". After that, dad dropped the turkey and said "oh, Fck!" Daughter asked what it meant and he replied "its another word for cooking". When the guests arrived, the daughter answered the door, and said "hello btches and bstards. Mums upstairs stuffing sht on her face and dads in the kitchen fcking the turkey".

What's the song that goes like, duh duh da duh duh duh da da do?

okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was black.

How many Jews can you fit inside a car? Legally somewhere between 2 and 9 depending on seat belt availability and passenger space.

So, my friend David hasn't always been the sharpest tool in the shed. After all, he is a spoon.

Oh you have herpes? yeah, there's an app for that.

What do you call a man with no head? Nothing he has no ears.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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