why is ur dad an alcoholic? he drinks a lot of alcohol

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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There are 3 people in a car, shit, manners, and asshole. They are driving and shit falls out. They pull over and manners gets out to help shit. Then a cop comes and pulls them over. The cop ask asshole what his name is. He said asshole. The cop said what. Then asshole said asshole. Then the cop says where are your manners. Asshole said over their picking up shit.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes wakes his companion and says: 'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.' Watson says: 'Someboby stole our tent.' Holmes and Watson look at each other, shrug and go back to sleep. At least the thief kept their blankets.

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How did the man break his arm raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. I cut off his leg.

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A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says: "Where would you like to sit, gentlemen"?

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What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

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A guy punched himself. He then said ouch.

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What's worse than a dead baby joke? A dead baby.

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13 =B you just learned something

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What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

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What is the difference between john madsen and a gay person. There isn't because john is gay

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What do you call a seedless pumpkin? A pumpkin.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

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Why did the man feel like he was flying? Because he had just committed suicide by jumping off of a tall building.

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If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

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What would you call a two-foot Irishman named Max? Max.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. ( to heaven )

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Diana- hey i havnt seen you all summer. Whaaat did you do over the summer? Paul- contract HIV Diana- ...oh ...

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Why did the communist fail his history class? Because he didn't study hard enough.

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Why from a friends phone? I demand a full explanation, here, you got my number, you got my home address, and who the hell was that crying little bitch on the phone? I got friends in the UK which owe me some money, and nothing to lose, if I have to take care of you before you take care of me and even possibly my wife in the crossfire, I will take you down and everything in my path! Moral: Got ya!.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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