Roses are red. Violets are violet.

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God Nero, Marry me now! I removed the nose thingie but it wont stop.

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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Whats red and has wheels? An apple, I was just kidding about the wheels.

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what did the bus driver say to the black man when he got on the bus? nothing, carl has become very anti-social since his brother died

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Why did the man ask the woman on a date? They were both single and looking for a unique, romantic experience that could possibly turn into a long-term loving relationship.

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What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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A women was driving along in her brand new, swanky, red ferrari when she spotted a red light in the distance. She stopped steadily, following the rules of the road. All of a sudden a loud bang came from behind her where a young driver had hit her at 50 mph. They both come to an abrupt stop and exited their vehicles. The women says "Idiot, you just hit me!" The boys says "oh don't worry, I have insurance."

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Hey I just meet you. And this is crazy, but im a Zombie. And you looks tasty!

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

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What is black and white and red all over? A pile of dead, bleeding, mixed race babies.

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Why was Jimi's mom sad? Because Jimi suddenly fell to the floor clenching his neck while saying "I'm Dying!"

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Why did the black man go through the window of the house? He left his keys inside

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Have you heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problems out with a pencil... It was a #2 pencil

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What is white, red, and all in your girlfriend? red and white blood cells

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a man walks into a bar.... his? drinking problem is seriously affecting his family

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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What happened to The Guy when he got pissed on he was wet

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an orange and finding a worm.

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Q: What do you call half of the worlds population of black people on the moon. A: Close enough.

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Where can I find a good Prostitute? Your Parents House.

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Tina: Mom, would you love me if I was straight Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was gay Mom: Yes Tina: Would you love me if I was Bi Mom: No Tina: Why not Mom: Because that's selfish!

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I just sharpened this hatchet Don't make me use it!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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