My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's yellow and smells like cheese? Cheese.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Hitler kill himslef? He saw his gas bills.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why didnt the boy go to school? His mum threw a fridge at him!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Gary: Stick your tongue out and say "I live in a pirate ship" Bruce: *sticks tongue out* "I lib inna pile of shiiit."

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the car stop working. The owner was unable to pay the outrageous price for gasoline and was forced to ride a bicycle to and fromvwork every day. Over the course of several months without being run, the engine seized and was forever broken.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why could susan not get up? Because her limbs were hacked off by a African militia group.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Homeless man....it's what's for dinner!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Never again, I have all the intel I need on you, you cost me a fucking eye, you think I would let go of that so easily? It hurts day and night, I have not slept in days, my fucking eyelid is torn right off, and while I use a fucking excuse for an eyepatch, I still have not gotten used to sleep without being able to shut both my eyes, I have a constant fever, you miss me, you are directly responsible for scaring my wife and fucking over my face. Deal with it, cry harder asshole. Moral: You step on my foot, I break off yours, you cost me an eye, you do not know whats waiting in line for you, I am going to make you beg me to let you die! Did you think I would warm up as quickly to something as irresponsible as you? And we do not know yet if you did this on purpose, we do not even live in the same fucking country, and I get assholes assaulting me again! What the hell have you done? If my wife had been here I would have been dead! Moral: I hope you got pets, I will skin them alive in front of your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did the American WWII soldier say to the Feudal-era samurai? Nothing, because the two lived on completely different continents and in completely different time periods.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

roses are red ur face is too and if u r hot my penis is going in u

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What the small boy with no arms or legs get fro christmas???? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why can't a cat fly Because it doesn't have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was the old man climbing the flag pole? Because he had Alzheimer, and he was losing his grasp of reality.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Two blondes walks into a tavern, which is kind of funny, since the second one should have seen it.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

70% of heroin addicts die at some point in their life.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's Black, white, green, and red? To bloody zebras fighting over a pickle

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What do you get when a fat kid eats a donut... A Heart Attack.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What did one skeleton say to the other? Nothing... Skeletons don't have vocal cords

thumb_up thumb_down -16

what sucks blows and gets laid in the closet. YOUR MOM VACUMING

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why doesn't a ducks quack echo? Actually, it does, but the echo is imperceptible to human ears.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was a worm on the other side. And the more pressing question is why do i watch a chicken in my free time

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops