An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. They order drinks, then leave without speaking to each other. It was pure coincidence they walked into the bar at the same time. They had no connections to each other, them being from three different countries.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one says "Boy, it sure is hot in here." The second one says "Holly shit! A talking muffin!" As muffins generally don't talk.

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a blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on top of a mountain. they freeze to death and the rescue team discovers their frozen bodies two days later.

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Anti-Joke.com Post anonymously with no editing!

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why did the little girl throw a clock out of the window? because she wanted to see time fly

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In the North people say "once upon a time." What do people in the South say? "Y'all never gonna believe dis shit!"

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knock knok Who's there The police, I regret to inform you your son was killed in a horrific traffic accident

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Why don't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead!!!!

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is this the krusty krab? no, this is patrick.

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How did the chicken perform the bank robbery? It was crossing the road and cluelessly walked into a bank, and EVERYONE in that bank had Chickenphobia so they just GAVE him the money...

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A blonde runs into her house. She died in a tragic backdraft fire. Always check to see if the doorknob is warm.

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what dyu call a bunch of white guys on a bench? the NBA

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Too tired to come up with the definition, by the way, it was I that came up with the code system you guys use, so I kinda knew long ago that you lied to me when you said you do not use passwords,

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Relax, close down the place, he wont get very far. The rest of you better stay inside, and I promise you will all remain safe and secure.

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God told John to come forth and recieve internal golry forever. John came fifth and recieved a toaster.

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why did the kid die? his mom shot him

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Friends are a lot like trees I just thought you should know.

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what's worse than a dead baby? a pile of dead babies. what's worse than a pile of dead babies? a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath? the live one has to eat it's way out. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out? more dead babies dumped on the already existing pile. what's worse than the giant pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out, but there are more dead babies piled on top? this is all in your basement.

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You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends nose. But you can't rob a bank. That's a felony.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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what is the difference between gravel and dead baby guts? i dont eat gravel.

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A Jew walks into a bar...He uses his coupon to get a free drink, then leaves.

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Whats the difference between a person with cancer and breakfast? Breakfast is important

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia And so do I..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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