Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

There are two cows standing in a field eating grass. The first cow says "moo", the second cow says "Thats funny, I was about to say that".

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What happens after Madeline McCann disappears. Jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you tell a woman who claims that she is going to yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater? That doing so could result in serious injuries or even death, and that she would be wise to reconsider her future options, as she could be held responsible for any and all problems that arise.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How can you tell a baby lost it's voice? It doesn't scream when you staple it to a ceiling fan and turn it on.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What happens when a baby stops crying? it dies.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do you make a pool table laugh? You cant it is'nt a living thing which means emotions.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs because disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion).

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What happens when you give a guinea pig a cherry? He turns into satan.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

CJTheBEST Sticks and stones, May break my bones, Because i have osteoperosis

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Are you from Africa because you sure look likes you've got Ebola

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walked into a bar. He needed 5 stitches.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you fit 76 babies in a bath tub... With a blender. How do you get them back out? With tortilla chips.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A white guy drives to Home Depot in order to get supplies for remodeling his kitchen. He notices a few Mexicans standing around outside. He decides not to racially profile them and continues on his own business.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why didn't the black kid get anything for Christmas? His family was Jewish.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Imagine yourself in a box with no windows and no doors. How do you get out? Stop imagining.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the sound of one hand clapping? The same as two hands; just not as loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a Trampoline. A: You take your shoes off to jump on a Trampoline.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did Teddy eat dirt? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a human with no eye? A Human.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why are there so many blacks in prison? *The rest of this joke has been removed to avoid causing offence*

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops