What did the doctor say to his patient? You have 2 weeks to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Once there was a giant Pringle. His family was dead, his wife committed suicide. So one day he was walking to work, when he met a genie! The genie granted him three wishes. The Pringle's first wish was to have lots of money. His second wish was to have his wife back. Before he could complete his wishing, he awoke in a hospital where he was hooked up to life support and was in severe pain. His wife wasn't really dead, but he was out drinking and accidentally walked across a motorway and got hit by a huge lorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Why did the chicken cross the road? it doesn't matter, it got turned into KFC before it crossed.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Hi my names Sarah and I love baby's. I don't think I could eat a whole one though

thumb_up thumb_down -50

You know whats better than cold pizza? Winning a nobel prize.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms... Why couldn't sally get up? She had no legs Why did no one help sally? Because she has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

So my friend told me to go shot myself I got my Canon and shoot myself The image came out very clean and profession.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did David's mom give him for his birthday? Nothing he hasn't seen her in eight years.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

thumb_up thumb_down +35

why did the boat crash? a tomato was driving

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What is the worse joke to tell a Orpahn Knock Knock Whos there not your parents

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Your mothers so stupid she is retaking her college courses so she can get a better job and support her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man is sleeping and is woken up. What does he say? Why did you wake me up

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What does DNA stand for? The National Dyslexic Association

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What happened to the alcoholic man that decided to never drink ever again? He died of thirst. Moral: Alcohol was the only available liquid in this twilight zone... Anti anti joke

thumb_up thumb_down +31

why was there no toothpaste left in the toothpaste tub? someone squeezed it all in a drawer

thumb_up thumb_down +31

why do some people of all races enjoy American foods? Because they can be extreamly delishus and satisfying to eat. Why dont some people of all races enjoy American foods? Because then we would all be too big to fit on earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Q: How many Babies does it take to paint a garage? A: babies do not have good motor skills therefore, they can not hold a paint brush.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Brandon Bass's career average for assists is 0.7 a game. guess what his nickname is bassy

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: How much old could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck Wood A:10.6 cubic metes

thumb_up thumb_down +27

why did the man leave his house during a state of emergency? he didnt

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops