A lady with alzheimers walks up to her friend and says" my nefew died today" and her friend replied.. " no he died three years ago."

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two japanese men walk into a bar. the first japanese man says “i am japanese!” the second japanese man says “i am also japanese!” the bartender then says “well, hey. i’m japanese too”. the bar was in japan.

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? Because he was looking for other chickens because he has no friends and he got bullied when he was in 12th grade. He got picked on because he was sledding down his hill in his backyard and he accidentally scraped one side of his face on ice and started bleeding. The next day his classmates started calling him two face.

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How do you survive the zombie apocolypse? You avoid dieing or being mutated in the living dead.

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A rat and a pig rape a puppy. Hey, that's just life.

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what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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whats worse than having ice cream and not eating it? Being lactose intolerant

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When SCUBA diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat? Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench isnt going anywhere.

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Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

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What's white and looks like paper? Paper

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What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware River? "Men, we're crossing the Delaware River."

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You know whats funny? Women's rights

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What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

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A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

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Why didn't the baby come to daycare? Because his mother got killed by spongebob

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Why did Sally fall off the swings? She has no arms. Knock knock Whose there? Not Sally, she has no arms

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How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos (make a dipping and snacking motion).

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what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You smell like lead, I did a poo.

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Yo mamma's so fat she attracts other matter with a force proportional to the product of their masses divided by the square of the distance.

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A woman woke up next to her husband that was already awake. She said "F*** you" and walked out of the house. On the other side of the world, a horse is giving birth to a chihuahua.

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whats the diffrences between black people and a tire nothin

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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