A fat man walks into a gym, and comes out fatter

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Wooooah! Thats literally the sound I made, anyway, can you like type the entire story in one setting, I feel weird, did you just try to hypnotize me? Anyway, are you trying to, woah, I am like high now...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Just aids, and gonnoreah, and... Jk, I wont type it here, and I am not "suffering" from nothing, its a condition, it can be a struggle, and yeah it could turn fatal, on the bright side its not contagious (its genetics, flawed genetics) but on the bright side, so far chances are greater of me dying from a giant meteor falling on me as I sleep, than from this... Not disease, genetic flaw, take it from a guy that was born without toenails, has two eardrums and some weird tiny holes on his ears (I can send you a pic of those tiny weird holes, they are not weird, kinda cute I been told and can say so myself) so you calm yet?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the mushroom invited to the party? Because the party was a rave and some mushrooms are know to make the consumer of them hallucinate wildly.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's green and red all over? That terminally ill child's vomit.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What did the doctor say to his wife? A: Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why didn't the 1 month old chicken cross the road? Because by that time it's already a Mcnugget.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your Mom is so fat, that she went to the doctor's and they told her that she was overweight and needed to get a stomach staple in order to make her lose weight

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Jack and Jill went up the hill. But it was winter and they froze to death

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Yo mama is so fat that her doctor advised her to get some exercise or risk developing a heart condition!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Death by kayak

thumb_up thumb_down +10

ur left leg is cristmas nd ur right leg is thanks giving can i vist

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what's body surfing? sounds dumb.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What happened to George's pet rock? It ran away.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

When life hands me beef, I make lemon stew.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q Why did the chicken cross the road? A Because it couldn't fly

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats the difference between a squirrel and a grape? They're both squirrels but ones a grap...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A black man is trapped inside a bottle, how does he get out? He doesn't it is simply impossible for a human to get trapped inside a bottle.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops