Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

roses are red voilets are red bushes are red trees are red HOLY SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!!!!

what's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? when you slap a mosquito it stops sucking:)

Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window... ...But I am the Goddamn locksmith!

why did the child kill his mother because the child gave his mom AIDS

Why couldn't the Egyptian pharaoh solve the Rubik's Cube? He didn't know how.

Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

knock knock who's there jehovas witness... ...I allow them into my house for a cup of tea and a chat as I respect their religion

What do you get if you cross a bomb expert, and a homophob? a blowjob

Why is our country going downhill? Because going uphill is harder.

why couldnt the jew play basketball? He was handicapp

A woman woke up next to her husband that was already awake. She said "F*** you" and walked out of the house. On the other side of the world, a horse is giving birth to a chihuahua.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: Being caught by the store manager, arrested, convicted, and thrown into jail for petty theft and then getting ass-raped for the next 3 months all because you wanted to check an apple without paying for it.

How do you get your lawyer to shut up. Hit him with a bat.

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a larger worm in your apple.

Ahmed walks into Abbar. He apologized and they both continued about their jobs as sales assistants at Pottery Barn.

What do you call a deer that has no eyes? I have no eyedeer

Why didn't Cheryl's mother recognize her when she was wearing a blue shirt and jeans? Because Cheryl's mother has Alzheimer's.

What do you call an old man in his underwear with a bag of pepper on his back while licking pebbles off the sidewalk? Senile.

Q: What did the hooker say to the priest? A: That was a wonderful sermon. I look forward to next Sunday's church service.

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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