What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many babies can you fit in a blender? None, the blender is too small. Also it is illegal to kill a baby infant because they are considered human. You can get life in prison or the death penalty for committing such a heinous crime.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

There once was an old man. He had worked hard his whole life to make sure his children got everything they needed, and that they were always happy. He had a beautiul life and a great big house with a marvelous view of the ocean. In time his kids moved away, and his wife died. The old man was left all by himself in the great big house, and sometimes the emptiness of the house reminded him of the emptiness of his own heart. He very seldom cried though, and kept all of his emotions inside. One day it all became to much for him and he took his own life in the silence of his great big empty house. I was that ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

how do u make a plummer cry? Kill his children.... :)

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q:How do you kill an Elephant? A:With an Elephant gun Q:How do you kill a blue Elephant? A:With a blue Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a purple Elephant? A:With a purple Elephant gun. Q:How do you kill a red Elephant? A:There is no such thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

im typing this without looking at the jetviard. I can;t toycg type thar wekk yet

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the elderly lady cross the road? Because an atomic bomb was exploding behind her

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the woman drown in the bathtub? Her husband was holding her under.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

the awkward moment when a sentence doesnt end the way you think it octopus

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what do eagles and moles have in common? they both live underground except for the eagle!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A white guy and a black guy are sitting in a bar. The white guy apologizes to the black guy for the hundreds of years of slavery endured by his people.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why couldn't the pirate enter into the movie? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did Harry Potters owl say to Harry Potter? delivowe for hawwy potter!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A Jewish person had a robber in their house. Who broke in? Adolf Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's worse than the Holocaust? A worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why couldn't Ariel talk in the Little Mermaid? Someone slit her throat.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the plane crash? Because he pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down -19

DID YOU HEAR THE FBI INVENTED A TELEPHONE THAT THEY CAN USE TO CALL THE DINOSAURS? ITS TRUE! Them DAMN DINOS REFUSE TO PICK UP THEIR CELLPHONES THOUGH! Nero: This is not completely accurate though, a T-Rex called us twice actually, but he just kept roaring, making communication impossible... ...That sad moment when you post a totally non ofensive joke, then to tell you that I might your father, me or one of the sixthy guys that bukkaked your mother which was sucking off a dog and... Anyway problem solved!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the student fail his test? He forget to study for it the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Knock Knock Fuck off. I am new here. I do not know anyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A blind man walk in to a bar... He then yells a 4 letter explative, backs up, and walks around it.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas? X box Kinect

thumb_up thumb_down -19

You heard now that you can not only bet safe at net casinos, but also win safely? Win safely? The hell does that mean? You mean you could win unsafely before? Like the betting casino crashing after you win a million? Moral: That crap is even less moral than I am ffs! Now they give you like 5000 game bucks free just to get you addicted.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops