How do you stop an asshole from being an asshole toward you? Shoot him in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was Edgar sad at the swimming pool? Edgar had been taking swimming lessons for a few weeks, on a tuesday-thursday basis, and was not learning how to swim as well as he would have liked. His instructer, Ms. Herpina was also very rude and generally disrespectful to Edgar. As a result of him seeing the lack of progress, and his dislike of his teacher, one day he quit going to his lessons and went to the local Dairy Queen instead with his girlfriend, Susie. Little did he know, his mother had also gone out to buy him DairyQueen, as a celebration to him becoming better at swimming. When she saw him at Dairy Queen, she was very angry at her son, who had lied to her about going to that days' lesson, and had also lied to her about not having a girlfriend. After his mom told his girlfriend that they couldn't date, she took a distraught Edgar to their small apartment. Edgar had always hated this apartment, ever since the first day they moved in as a result from the lack of money to afford a nicer area. After his older brother David stole all that money from his mother to buy drugs a few years back, his life hasn't been the same. His mother was forced to move into an apartment with few luxories, and Edgar was constantly jealous of his friends at school, especially Jason, the dark haired boy who always bragged about how good he was at his PSP games. Edgar only wanted happiness for at least a little while, but was quickly forced back to the pool. He was embarassed at the fact that he couldn't swim, and all the popular girls at the pool were making fun of him. It had been a rough life for Edgar, and he was still only seven years of age. This, my child, is why Edgar was sad at the swimming pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the monkey say to the Pope and the Queen? Good evening, Your Holiness. Good evening, Your Majesty,

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: When birds fly in a "V", why is one side always longer? A: There is one extra bird on that side

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two strawberries are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other, "Can you pass the soap?" The other one says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?!"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

who holds the world record for longest amount of time on fire? Jim Rome

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Your momma's so fat: She regrets not making the most of her youth whilst she was still attractive.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happens when you cut down a tree? It falls over.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

The number 69 is? Just a plain old number that has just as much meaning as 68 and 70.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a man with no arms? Richard, as that is his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock knock. Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? (I eat ma poo) Haha. ~Ali M.~

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +13

When life gives you lemons, Life isn't actually a person so saying that would be irrelevant

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks in to a bar, remembering he was actually going to the hardware store, he heads out and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man is walking down the street in Chicago. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks him, "Excuse me sir, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?", at which the man on the street said, "Go straight here, turn onto Birch, follow that to the second stop light, then turn left on Main, big complex, can't miss it." "Thank you!"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What human can fly without holding any thing (exept cloths i dont like inapropeate jokes i dont know it a very intresting quesiton

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Poker face

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Hey babe, did it hurt when the doctor cut off your umbilical cord when your mother gave birth to you. Because I have a bellybutton too!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to suck my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Obama

thumb_up thumb_down +13

My dog dumps in my house she looks at me and says rut row

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If life gives you melons. You may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the old lady walk across the road? She was on her way to the convenience store on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops