Beached whale: "Look at me, I'm a land mammal"

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What did the blonde order in the restaurant? A cup of coffee.

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Who is stupid and no one likes him. Me. :(

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There's two muffins in an oven, the first muffin says "Woah, it's really hot in here!". The second muffin says "Oh my God! A talking muffin!"

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What can never be seen by the owner, looks like Jesses mom, and smeels like shit. Jesses dick.

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A. Why did the chicken cross the road? B. I don't know, why? A. I asked first.

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what do you call a blind man who buys a caller i.d.? handicapped

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2 wales are at the bar one looks at the other and dose a wale call for 5 long minutes and the other one reply's "dude your drunk we got to go"

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how many friends does tomas have 0 he is a loner

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SEX IS LIKE MATH ADD THE BED SUBTRACT THECLOTHES DIVIDE THE LEGS AND PRAY U DONT MULTIPLY!!!!

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Why did the serial killer need the knife? He needed to butter his bread

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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In soviet russia, child molests you! Unfortunately true

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I heard a joke one time about a Rabbi, a Priest, and a little boy. It wasn't funny.

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Hey, do you wanna hear a joke? A joke.

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How many frogs does it take to change a light bulb None. Frogs lack the cranial capacity to change said lightbulb. If eventually by evolution they become smart enough to change lightbulbs, they may learn to handle machinery and pose a real threat to humans

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How many Dead Babies does it take fill a phone booth? There is an obvious epidemic going around causing millions of babies to die. This is no laughing matter and the mothers of these babies are probably going through therapy to get over their lost.

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why did the elephant fall out of the tree? it was hit by a fridge. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was sellotaped to the elephant.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using my hand but thinking of you.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The bailiffs, we have come to take your house

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if you consider his name parents name social security number hospital born date born and nurses signature all on a peice of paper then i guess you consider that his birth certificate

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Don't you just hate it when somebody is saying something interesting and they don't finish their sentence?

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Why was the lemon wearing a blue shirt? Because its red shirt was dirty.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was standing up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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