A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the police. They see a barn, and decide to hide inside it. They find three burlap sacks, and each hide in one. The police enter the barn, arrest each of the girls, and sentence them to life imprisonment for murder.

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how do you upset an obese cat? you put her in dog sweaters

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What do you call a black man that likes potatoes? Whatever his name is.

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What do you call a Black guy picking cottnon? A cottonpicker

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What worse than seeing a worm in your apple? Half a worm in your apple.

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Why couldn't the boy hide his penis? Circumcision.

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A jew enters a mall.

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So a dog walks into a bar.. well thats not true as most bars do not allow dogs.. oh..sorry.

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My name's Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.

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What did the man say when he was having sex with his wife? That feels quite good.

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why was the little boy screaming. he realized he was an asian

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Why did the mexican cross the street? Because the next lawn to mow was in a different neighborhood

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You're a big fat monkey.

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You know what makes me sick? Bacteria

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What is the differnece between the chair and the pot? You can't cook in the chair.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mom. Your mom who? Its your mom now open the danm door!

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Your mom is so ugly- Wait, hold on. How are you born?

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Why was the chair sad? It wasn't, for chairs do not posses the proper attributes to feel emotions such as depression.

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So a man and a woman are siting at the same park table Woman: sir are you touching my leg erotically Man: No mam for you see I am a parapaligec

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Why did the little girl walk into the wall? Because she was blind.

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How many Russians can you fit in a Mini Cooper? It depends on how big they are.

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why did the black man fall down the stairs? he was blind, do to loss of vision from cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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