What is long and painful? It's a sword, get your mind out of the gutter.

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If the 49ers won the superbowl

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what is brown and sticky? a stick.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

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That awkward moment where all you want for Christmas is for your parents to get back together but then you realize that they died in a car crash

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she fall again? Because somebody put her back on. Why wasn't she able to hug her dad? Because she has no dad.

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What does a blond do when she stops at a red light? She gets arrested.

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What did the german speech therapist say to his mute patient? There a few methods we can use to help you obtain the power of speech.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just shot up a plaground Now Im heading to an orphanage

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A cat walks into a bar, the bartender says "pussy?"

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What is black and blue and red all over? A woman that just learned a valuable lesson.

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Me: What postion in baseball does a cat play? You: I don't know? What? Me: I don't know i haven't eaten that part yet.

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Three men walk into a bar, one ducks and two fall down. What happened? They walked into a metal bar, like a sideways flagpole!

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why did I fall off a tree? cause i wanna to

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What page are you on The gay page.

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Where does Charlie Sheen buy his clothes? Winners

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Knock knock. Who's there? Imaj. Imaj who? Haha, you're a Jew.

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How man people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 an electrician

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could DO YO MOMM!!!

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what did Harold Camping say to the little girl and boy? "You and your parents are going to die today"

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How did the deaf girl die? I beeped but she didnt hear me

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? -Because he didn't have any arms!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops