A guy takes out his club and hits a baby seal with a fine for $50 for littering and threatens to smash the seal's favorite ceramic figurine with the club if he doesn't pay the fine. The man is a park ranger and takes littering very seriously.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken just lost his job and has entered into a deep depression. He was going to commit suicide at the local KFC, but as he walked into the KFC, he saw a beautiful woman. They lived a full and happy life together until the chicken died of old age. Turns out the woman was blind, and partially deaf.

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there is nothing better than waking up to realise that your being hugged by your partner unless that partner is not home

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Whats grosser than a bloody hand? 2 bloody hands.

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On Wednesday night, a drunk man was walking on the cliffs of dover. his funeral was saturday.

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What did the black guy say when he failed his math test? Crap, I failed my math test!

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when life throws you lemons you should watch out or you might get hurt.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? I'm sleeping with your wife

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Why was a white man surrounded by black men crying? He was in a support group for black men with vitiligo, which destroys skin pigments.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have alzheimers, hey i just met you

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What happened when the man fell off the boat? He went into the water and was viciously mauled by 5 alligators then ran over by another boat.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. They order a few drinks, chat, and walk out.

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Stalin and Hitler went to Kmart to buy mini-toothpaste. Because they schleifen schlafanned on their way to the country club.

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What do you call an attractive woman in a blender? A very rare occurrence.

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Q: what does a worm and a fish have in common? A: they are both a worm, apart from the fish

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What is a dog's favorite color? Dogs are colorblind and can not see colors.

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Roses are red, Grass is greener, When I think about you, I play with my weiner

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Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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a man walks into a bar... he was then shot to death because he was a slave in the early 1800s

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What did Rachel (the columbine girl) get for her birthday?? Nothing she's dead.

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What do a lamp and a elephant have in common? Big ears, except for the lamp, it doesn't have ears.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops