A man walks into a bar with an MP5 and proceeds to fire thirteen bullets into a crowd of people, several unarmed bystanders attempt to disarm the gunman but they are promptly ordered to stay back or they too would be fired on, a witness reports gunfire coming from down the street to local emergency services and they arrive quickly, organising a perimeter around the bar, county sherriffs decide it would be safest to wait for a swat team, as reports indicated the gunman may have hostages, however the gunfire appears to have ceased an noone has entered or exited the building since police arrived on scene. As SWAT arrives on scene and media helicopters circle above, a person emerges from the bar and the gunman appears behind him, he shoots and kills the hostage and then turns the gun on himself, the death toll reached sixteen including the gunman and as many as fourteen people were injured. there was no clear motive to the massacre, but a search of his appartment indicated he was tired of one-liners on typical joke sites and felt his wife's betrayal with his best friend was too much to bare and he simply snapped after losing his job in the current economic situation.

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What has 389,236,587 arms, has rainbow colored fur, and fornicates on your front lawn? Absolutely nothing. That's pretty much physically impossible.

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What do you get when a sister and a brother have sex? A deformed child.

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Q: How did the black man get the white man's money? A: He walked up, politely asked if he could borrow some money, and told him he would pay him back tomorrow.

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it's a grape and therefore unable to speak.

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What do you get when you multiply two by three? Six.

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My favorite part of the movie Frozen is when the parents die.

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A dyslexic man walked into a bra

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Why did the student fail his test? He forget to study for it the night before.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

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In America you read books, but in Soviet Russia, it's exactly the same as it is in America, because it's not possible for books to read humans.

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What's black and red? I black guy bleeding to death

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What did you say? I'm blind. (Did not write this meaning to be offensive)

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How many Azheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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What did the magician say to the little boy after he "cut" his mother in half. She is dead now. Your dad is on Row 4, he is crying.

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How do you define an unsatisfactory kitchen? It won't have a woman chained to the oven.

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What do you call a joke that isnt funny? This one.

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What's the same about a clown and a knife? They are both fun, except for the clown. I hate clowns.

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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Q: What did the nazi say to hitler? A: You like my Auschwitz?

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Why did the boy wear a winter jacket on the hottest day of the year? Because the boy was in antarctica and the hottest day was still below freezing.

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What is the difference between a baleen whale and a black guy? One speaks and one says EEEEEEERRRROOOOOWWOWOWOWOOWRR!

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a cat and a duck walk into a pub. the cat enters first and says for the duck to put all of their drinks on his bill. the duck(being a duck)says nothing because ducks cannot speak. therefore the cat shouldnt have been speaking either.

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Q:What do you call a black man that got to the moon and back in a space rocket? A: A golfer, he is a pro golfer now!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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