How do you scare a little boy? You tell him everyone he loves was shot to death by you and then kick his guardian .

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What's the difference between a chicken and a bartender? A chicken is a domesticated fowl, a subspecies of the red junglefowl. As one of the most common and widespread domestic animals, with a population of more than 24 billion in 2003, there are more chickens in the world than any other species of bird. Humans keep chickens primarily as a source of food, consuming both their meat and their eggs. A bartender is a person who mixes and serves alcoholic drinks at a bar. also bar-tender ; 1836, American English,

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What is Cleopatra's favorite cookie? A: Chips Ahoy

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat salad instead of sandwiches because she wants to lose weight by going on a no-carb diet.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A zebra that was shot by poachers.

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What do you call a duck playing a trombone? Hallucinations

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Whats Barack Obama's favorite number ? 7

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knock knock! who is there? its knock! knock who??? knock knock... who is there.... i told you its knock... knock who??? knock knock... WHO IS THERE!! OMG I TOLD YOU ITS KNOCK! KNOCK WHO!! WHO IS KNOCK! KNOCK KNOCK OMG WTF! HOLY SHIT WHO IS THERE! ITS KNOCK WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER OUR WHOLE LIVES! KNOCK WHO?? KNOCK KNOCK WHY DONT YOU REMEMBER ME! oh knock knock from next door! who is there???? jk.. knock...knock......omg put down the gun knock knock stop i love you knock its not worth it!! NO KNOC!!! GUNSHOT* KNOCK NOOOOO!!! I LOVED YOU SOMEONE CALL 911!! OMG KNOCK WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH KNOCK WHY!!!!

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Why didn't the little boy have arms or legs? Because they were savagely ripped off of him by a black bear on a very unfortunate camping trip.

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What is white, black, and red all over? A: A zebra being slaughtered.

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Person 1: *sneeze Person 2: bless you Person 1: I'm jewish. They never spoke again.

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How do you get a blonde with one hand out of a tree? Grab a ladder and carry her down.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Not only did 7 have that intimidating look to him, but 6 had recently found out that he was a well known mob boss who also went by the name of Lucky Seven. he was in charge of a gang called The Prime Numbers. They had been terrorizing 6's city for sometime now, whether it was stealing, mugging, or even killing or vandalism. 6 sure had a lot to fear, but he knew things might turn out well, as 6 had a great ability to try his best and do what he believed in: Justice

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A man spoke in a high-pitched voice. Another man said "Are you gay" He responded, "Why, yes"

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Why do Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles always smile? Because they enjoy there life even though there both blind.

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*insert corny "a man walks into a bar" joke here*

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what did the iphone say to the galagy s3? nothing they are phones.

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No!

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Why did the man jump off the cliff? Because he suffered from chronic depression as a result of frequent drug abuse.

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What did the unicorn say to the horse? I have a horn and you don't.

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Whats worse than stubbing your toe? The Holocaust.

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What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

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Shut up max im not fucking demented u dickhead

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Why did the black guy fell from the stairs? Because I threw him

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops