Q:What's red and crawls up your leg? A: A homesick abortion

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Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party. Joey: Yeah, but for a one year old. What's the point? The other day, she laughed for like an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow. And the cow says...."Elmoooo!" Joey: *starts to laugh* Yeah...that's a funny cup.

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Your mamas so fat, that any level of physical exercise is strenuous, but also mentally challenging, as she feels that there is a negative astigmatism attached to sweaty, red-faced overweight individuals trying to burn those pounds. This in turn makes her ashamed of the gastronomically decadent life she once lived, and so she doesn't have the confidence to try and reverse the damage she did during those insecure teenage years, instead comforting herself with the sugary, fatty bane of her life. She therefore lives in a vicious circle, angry at herself and the society that won't accept her. But remaining incredibly, repulsively fat.

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A Mexican walks into Taco Bell, because it is the only restaurant within walking distance of his workplace.

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What did the tractor say when he lost his farmer? wheres my farmer?

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and Adolf Hitler? A socially unacceptable and awkward hybrid of two unrelated, technically dead things.

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A man and a hobo meet on a narrow path. What does the hobo do? Finds the mans wife and impregnateds her, aborts the baby, takes dead fetus chops it up and makes the man eat it in a salad. While the man is chocking he shotes him and walks on.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Potatoes. Potatoes who? Garlic salt.

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What happened when Chuck Norris jumped into the pool? He then got water on him, and later had to dry off.

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A Jew ran into a wall with a boner. He broke his nose first.

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Shakespeare walks into a bar, Having just seen someone that has been dead for over 400 years, the young man in the corner quits his drug addiction; it was clearly messing with his brain.

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why did the midget beat the basketball player in a foot race? the basketball player got bit by a scorpion and died within minutes.

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A man goes to a gas station to pump gas in his car. After about 7 minutes, he leaves.

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Why didnt the guy eat cereal? Cause he didnt have any

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How was breakdancing inventented? From niggas trying to steal hubcaps of moving cars!

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Why did the man fall off his bike? He ran into a pile of dead babies.

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What is small, yellowy-white and emits a kind of cheesy smell? A lump of cheese

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? She didn't, her father named the dog because he was aware of his daughters innability to speak.

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What mouse walks on two legs? Mickey Mouse. What bear walks on two legs? Winnie the Pooh. What duck walks on two legs? All of them, dumbass.

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Yo mommas so stupid, she has a slightly below average IQ.

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Why was the man's foot hurting? Because he was being fed into a wood chipper

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Q) What's worse than getting a parking ticket? A) The Black Death

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A Hispanic was walking down the street, he turned left and was at his house.

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Yo mama so ugly she's ridiculed daily and has frequent suicidal thoughts.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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