One day a married couple have a conversation. The husband says, "Make me a sandwich." The wife says, "Okay, what do you want on it?"

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Doctor, doctor! I think I've got an ear infection. I best give you some medicine.

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What's worse than Bogans? Boat people.

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How does a printer work? You plug it in.

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What time is it when you run out of ice cream? Time to get more ice cream.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms and she was blind.

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What did the newborn get on it's birthday? A life

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So, would you like provolone or mozzarella with that? Yes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It is hard to know things like that.

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Roses are read violets are blue i ate a fetus now you die to

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roses are red , violets are blue i love bernard he loves me too if you take him from my place i'll smash my fist in your face.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? dead parents.

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What did the bank teller say to Santa Claus? May I help you?

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what did the duck say to the monkey.............. QUACK!!!!!!!!

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What do you call a dog with no legs? What ever you want, its still not going to come.

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What did the rat say to the dog? Nothing, he is a rat and therefore incapable of speech.

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How many juice does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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Where is aodhan's ma? Jail, she was cought with a bag full of the white powder.

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What do you do if there's a black guy bleeding on your lawn? Help Him

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had very recentley made his escape from a nearby farm, of which was owned by a man close to dying of a Rhabdoid Tumor. His family was in mourn.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken was trying to escape from the sad and depressing environment that surrounded him on the side he thus came from. Alas, he did not know that he would be soon hit by a drunk truck driver, who would also die, in a bright explosion of morbid flames and screams.

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Jeff comes home from a long day at work. As a result he is very tired. So, he decides to go to bed.

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Dear Reader I am writing to express my complete and utter disdain toward the subject of your face. Rarely have I to witness such a repugnant sight. I would like to inform you that, upon most regrettably witnessing your face, my delicate stomach muscles gave way, and my morning meal, of lightly buttered Kipper and freshly squeezed orange juice most unfortunately ended up in one of the seventeen human waste disposal outlets to adorn my manor house. I struggle to comprehend how you, being such a selfish sadist, are able to live with yourself, knowing how much dismay you have caused me. Might I suggest that you pay a visit to a prosthetic plastic surgeon, in order to prevent other innocent's to suffer as did I. I request politely, but please be firmly assured in the knowledge that I will complain to the magnificent force of the police should you not comply with my reasonable request. Your face simply can not be allowed to exist in it's current form. I would go so far to say that it may be a danger to the elder's of our society, with their regrettably weak hearts.

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Guy 1: Ask me if I have a banana in my ear. Guy 2: Do you have a banana in your ear? Guy 1: Sorry I can't hear you I have a banana in my ear

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops