knock knock! who's there? me.(walks away...)

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What do you call two black men riding on a tandem bicycle? Best friends.

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a free drink, you'll wake up in my basement.

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If a tree falls on a woman, and no one is around to hear it, what is a tree doing in the kitchen?

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What do you get when you cross scabies with genital warts? Krusty Krabs.

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How do Mexicans like their eggs? It's a matter of personal opinion, of course.

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Two peanuts were walking down the street..........pepper.

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Where does a one-legged waitress work? Wherever she can get good health insurance.

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what did the lesbian do with the other lesbian? played badminton

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What is the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench is a piece of wood, while the black man is a human being.

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How do you make someone to shut up You tell them to SHUT UP!

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a black man has a shotgun. having an IQ of 11 he shot his hands off

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Obesity runs in your family. To bad no one runs in your family.

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What's green fury has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you. A pool-table

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Q: Why can't Carl drive? A: Carl is a stone

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A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed.

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what do you call a Mexican driving a plane? a pilot you were probably to racist to work that out

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What happened to the homosexual jiggalo? He ended up getting aids from having anal sex with various men which is not the best idea because the anus where poop comes from.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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someone jumped off a bridge he died

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

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What's worse than finding a worm in ur Apple? Finding a worm in ur poop

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? If the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are because there are no replacement light bulbs, the don't have transportation, and the nearest store is 10 miles away. In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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