How do you wake up lady gaga Set her alarm clock to an appropriate time

You want some cake? Sure! Okay, go buy the ingridients and bake me some. YAY!

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What goes up and down, up and down, up and down, forever? An insult to Newtonian physics.

Two antennas falls in love. They get married. The wedding was horrible, but the reception was great.

A child finally stood up to the school bullies! Recently the news did a story about a school shooting.

Whats the difference between Obama and Hitler? One is the President of the United States The other is a fascist dictator that killed millions.

wat do u call a person who is ugly ugly

How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

Lady: I think you guys would be very happy here. Chandler: No no no no no no! No, we're not together. We're not a couple, definitely not a couple! Joey: You seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you? Chandler: We're not going to have this conversation AGAIN!

A young boy walks into a catholic church, he attends mass, and leaves.

What did the ice cream man ask the little boy? Want some ice cream?

What do you call justin bieber haveing sex with a lady? A dream

Two kiwis are in a fridge. Suddenly, the door opens, and one of them is pulled out by a human hand. He was never to be seen again.

Yo momma so ugly, except she's not. She's looking beautiful today.

Knock knock Who's there. Interrupting cow, sorry you can see where this is going, just let me in without asking any more questions please.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here." The other muffin doesn't say anything because it is a muffin.

matt is fat

Science debated on whether Dinosaur hide was like leather But though quite absurd They thought, like a bird Velociraptor was covered in feathers.

"DUDE! THERE IS A KNIFE IN YOUR LEG!" "SERIOUSLY!"

What do you call a bunch of black people at the bottom of the ocean? Cocoa puffs

whats worse than breaking your arm? getting raped by a squirel

How do you get a baby in a bowl? You put it in.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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