How many mathematicians does it take to count?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Hey man. what? squidbillies.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Doctor doctor, i think i need glasses! Go to an opticians then...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I needed to write an article about heart disease so I did some research. I learned a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

hear hear

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What city likes baseball the most? New York

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you knock a clown off a swing? Hit it with an axe multiple times.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you have consumed.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

how do you save a black person that's drowning? you blow up their lips

thumb_up thumb_down +21

There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the boy call the man that kicked the cat? "Sad twat"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? A basketball.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

whats the difference between 69 and 6.9 theres a period in the middle

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the teacher say that the student did well in class? because the student did well in class

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

thumb_up thumb_down +19

whats the difference between a fat person and a skinny person ? there weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini. "Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR." "Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?" "No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why is it funny when dogs talk ? Answer: they don't

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why wasn't the black man served at the bar? Because they didn't serve his kind there... Did I say black guy? I meant to say a horse, wait, did I say bar? I meant the barn, yes, a horse walks into a barn but they couldn't serve him because he wasn't tamed

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Sorry babe, even if I was I would not tell you, the entire place is surrounded, but within enough of a distance, so we will plant a nice setup around the green shack so everyone assumes his deal was some solo operation, if someone else is heading at his direction now, you are gonna get busted, so you better stay down.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops