YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY EVER LIKED ME? WOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, tell her to contact me here, during the number of letters up there divided by a certain number you got over there, minus the letters here subtracted with the VEEEEEEERY same ammoooouuuuunt... Moral: God I need to invent a code system that makes me sound less like Jim Carrey on crack...

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Taxes are like prostitutes. The higher your salary, the more you pay.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A present.

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How do you scare a blonde? Paint yourself yellow and call yourself big bird.

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What do a black man and a cop have in common? They are both not cabbages.

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Yo momma's so ugly. Most people do not enjoy looking at her

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What did the old Hispanic man say to the young black woman in the Laundromat? I don't know cause I goofed in school and didn't pay attention in spanish class.

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Women's Rights..

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Did you hear about my new Muslim friend? Hes the bomb!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Dandelions are weeds

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how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

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Yeah, but why is this honesty so important for you, personal reasons because you are like that, because you consider me a friend? Or because a single lie, could have catastrophical consequences?

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Yo Momma So Fat!

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What did lil' Bobby get for christmas? Cancer.

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How did the hairless cat braid its hair? It didn't, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs.

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what do all elephants have in common? they are all monkeys

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, Some don't.

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whats better than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off the wall.

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Why did the blonde woman decide to get plastic surgery? Because she was self-conscious and unhappy with the way she looked.

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Every human being has some kind of penis <3

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What's a ghost's favorite color? Usually whatever their favorite color was in life.

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what would abraham lincoln do if he were alive today? scream and try to open his coffin.

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What is better than one trillion dollars? One trillion and one dollars... duh.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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