what did Stan say to Dave? nothing, Dave died 500 years before Stan was born, thus he said nothing.

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A blonde keeps walking down her driveway to her mailbox.Finally, her neighbor asks, "Why?" The blonde replies, "The computer says I've got mail."

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what do u say when u meet somebody new hello

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? answer: Where's my tractor?

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You know what turns me on ....? TABLES!! You know what turns me on even more...? TABLES WITH CHAIRS!!!

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Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

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Your tell your girlfriend to make you a sandwich, she actually makes one for you.

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A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs Boson's in here," and the Higgs Boson says, "But I thought Christianity promised acceptance to everyone who believes."

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Why can't february march Because april may

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Why did the girl with a striped ball fall over? She was a victim of a drive-by shooting.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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THAT'S RIGHT, BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER BOUGHT. LOOK WHAT A GREAT JOB IT DID ON THIS PAGE YEAH! I RECKON IT IS THE BEST INVISIBLE PAINT I EVER DIDN'T SEE

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Why did the boy miss the toilet when he was peeing? Cause he was in the shower.

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The Charlotte Bobcats

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A man was walking down the street in the pitch black dark and he looked into a pitch black dark window. What did he see? Pitch black dark people.

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What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

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An american, a mexican, and an asian are on a boat. The boat is sinking because it is too heavy. The people decide to throw off things that they have a lot of in their country. The asian throws rice off the boat saying, "We have plenty of rice at home." The mexican throws tacos off the boat saying, "We have plenty of tacos at home." The american throws out the mexican saying, "We have plenty of mexicans at home."

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Your mom's so fat, she's is bigger than the average person.

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What's faster than a black man carrying your TV? The law enforcement that promptly catches him and is about to charges him with theft regardless of his ethnicity because stealing someone else's property is just generally an unlawful thing to do.

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Hey babe, do you like going to sleep without shoes on? Because most people find it more comforting to remove footwear in order to rest and relax peacefully during bedtime.

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Haikus are easy Im happy when I write them Thats pretty much it

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This isn't funny.

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Why was the black Jew sad? He had to sit at the back of the oven

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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