A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man is at a party. He gets hungry so he waits in the foodline and then he gets some food. Then he has to go to the bathroom so he waits in the bathroomline and goes to the bathroom. Then he is thirsty so he goes to get some punch and realizes that there is no punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did Joe wake up screaming? Because his wife cut off his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What does a black man and a monkey have in common? Until February 3rd 1870 neither could vote in America. Monkeys still can't. 

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Violets are blue Roses are red I stabbed you 37 times in the chest Now you're dead

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: Why do sharks live in salt water A: Because if they don't the die from blood loss because their blood-cells swell up and explode in non- salty water.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

so your paddling up stream in a cement canoe, one wheel falls off. how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house? 46 cause bears dont like eggs.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

When you have read this, you've already read it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A Jewish man with a 20 mile boner walks into a wall. Which body part hits the wall first? His nose

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why was 6 afraid of 7 because 6 just found out 7 had genital herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the black guy who was lost in Syria say? "Where am I?"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What would you do for a klondike bar? Pay the manufacturers suggested retail price.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why do new moms put "BABY ON BOARD" stickers on the backs of their cars? No reason. Hitting someone's car baby inside or not is against the law and very dangerous for passengers of any age.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

There was an american man on the way to work.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

rabbits running in my bathroom!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's worse than 10 dead babies nailed to a tree? one dead baby nailed to ten trees

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the girl fall out of the swing? Because she had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you make a lumberjack cry? By murdering his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

one time, there was this anti-joke.com joke set-up. It was just like a normal joke set-up. was the anti-joke punchline effective, artful of funny at all? no. it was a plain statement of some facts without consideration for humor. it gets old after you read like 50 of them. it gets REALLY. F*CKIN. OLD.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the italian go to jail? because he had just robbed a bank and then brutally murdered his wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why the moron throw the clock out the window? Because he was a moron.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How do you knock a clown off a swing? Hit it with an axe multiple times.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops