roses are red violets are blue i suck at poems i like your boobs

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How does shit taste?\ Good.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

how many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 283,000,322,249,390

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How does Michael J. Fox mix his paint? He uses the paint mixing stick that is provided, for free, by most reputable hardware stores.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's worse than a papercut? Dying

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What stars with C, is hairy on the outside, moist on the inside and ends with T and has UN in the middle? Coconut

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why didn't little Timmy get anything for Christmas? He was an orphan living on the streets.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Wanna know way i don't eat grapes? I hate Grapes.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you get if you cross a fairy cake with some boiled parsnips? Fladgemuffin

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? A: A Problem. Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon? A: An even bigger problem. Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon? A: Problem solved hahaha Q: What would you get if Newcastle were relegated? A: 45,000 more Chelsea fans

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Yo mums so fat she went on a diet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock Knock Who's there? Nick Oh hi Nick come in

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How did the black man get a car? He bought it.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's the differece between a rock and a black guy? A rock can't eat fried chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did Hitler shoot himself? Because he found out Chuck Norris was a Jew.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

roses are brown violets are brown who shit on my garden?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was billy bad at telling jokes? Billy was sexually abused as a child and humour was never really part of his life

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Your mom is over the average weight for a person of here height and age.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you call a doctor without a head? Deceased

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: Why are elephants afraid of mice and/or rats? A: Elephants tend to have bad eyesight and startle quite easily?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the bunny cross the road? Because it waited until a car was driving by and then got run over.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the pedophile say to the delightfully curly-headed youth? Can I have fries with that?

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops