What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAA

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Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

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"hey woody can i ask you a question" "sure buzz" "why is it your name is woody but they use me as a vibrator"

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What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

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When were in a zombie apocalypse I will make sure to save you for 40 days and then I will sacrifice you

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Roses aren't blue Violets aren't red She was my ex wife But now she's just dead.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Your definitely a virgin, too bad your mom isn't too.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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Why did the boy cry? His Parents died.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? Matters the size of the bathtub and the size of the babies.

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what starts with F and ends with ead? Fred was walking to school one day when he heard a strange noise in a tree. He walked up to the tree, looked up, and saw a cat. Fred was late for class, so he decided to go to school and help the cat out after school. Eight hours later, Fred came up to the tree and looked up to see if the cat was there. It wasn't. The cat was lying next to the tree, dead.

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A hard-working man, in his early forties with slightly graying hair, arrives to work earlier every day. He values integrity and dedication. His loving wife is proud of his accomplishments and her favorite part of the day is when he arrives home from a day at the office. He is close friends with the Director of HR, because he believes that we all should be respected and treated fairly on the job. Today, there is a board meeting, which he prepared for extensively, because he cares deeply about what happens to this great company. His boss greets him after the meeting is done and says, "Great job, that presentation was even better than yours usually are." It was a very long meeting, so they both end up going to the Men's Room. What does he say when his boss corners him near the urinals and demands sex? Nothing. He doesn't like to talk during sex.

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What does Pluto and a creamsicle have in common? Neither of them are a planet.

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Your adopted

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Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

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why did spiderman fall off the roof ? cause it was wet

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A lawyer met with his client and said.. well, there is some good news and some bad news The bad news is that you're going to prison for life.

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How do you drown a blonde? Well there are a few ways, including holding her head underwater until she passes out and then leaving her in the pool.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Rapist :(

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Why did Lisa fall off the swing? Because she has no arms. *Knock knock! Who's there? *Definitely not Lisa.

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I used to know what alzheimers was

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Who let the dogs out? Their owner because he had come to the rational conclusion that they were cooped up in their cage all night and were in serious need of relieving themselves and needed love and affection

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Theaters say silence is golden... Trap silence in a jar, make millions.

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Q: what do you call a much green circle that tastes good? A: An avocado

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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