A priest, a jew, and a pirate walk into a bar. An exchange of dialogue occurs with the bartender and hilarity ensues.

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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"I see!" said the blind man, as he picked up a saw and hammer.

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Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

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Knock Knock Who's There ........................ ........................................... I hate doorbell ditchers

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Why do women love Panera Bread? They think it's healthy.

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Q: Why was the teacher sad? A: Because she got fired

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Q: Why did the mom try to wake up a sleeping bag? A: Because it's morning and her kid is curled up inside fast asleep

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Which is better; having a billion dollars or a trillion dollars? Trick Question, you aren't that rich.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because aliens dont wear purple hats.

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Im black and want attention. I also love fried chicken and love Africa call for a good, African-American time..... Im black 4025406623

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Why did the Jew pick up the dollar on the side of the road? Because he dropped it.

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why did the fat woman die? ... because she tried to commit suicide and the ceiling collapsed on her.

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What did the black man say to his wife on valentines day? - You are fat

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When you try to go to anti-joke.com but get redirected to Horsehead Network...

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Why won't Santa be delivering presents this year? Because he can't be bothered.

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What did the limp dick say to the vagina? Sorry, I'm a poof.

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A hipster walks into a bar you've never heard of...

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A German, an Irishman, a Mexican and a Texan are flying together on an airplane over the ocean. When the plane begins to experience engine trouble, they find that there is only one parachute for the four of them! Through an amazing display of flying skill, however, the pilot is able to complete the flight and land safely.

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If a tree falls in the forest, but nothing is there to hear it, does it still make noise ? Yes, because whether the action of the three falling produces sound waves or not is not dependent on whether something is there to receive these waves.

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A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because I hit her with an axe.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Chickens can walk wherever the hell they want. Leave them alone.

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There is more than one way to skin a cat. I used a potato skin peeler.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops