- What do you call a black pirate? + A Nig-ARRRRRRRRRR - No, a pirate you fucking racist

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why did the 11 year old boy stick his hand in a lawnmower nobody knows he hasnt come out of the coma yet

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? To pick up the carcass of its road-killed younger brother and weep.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Bitch your as two-faced as Doduo

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice and let the world wonder how you made it.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a zebra with no stripes? A zebra with no stripes

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: That depends how hard you throw them... Q: Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what would Jesus do? Get crucified and die.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

thumb_up thumb_down +3

mat (telling anti joke): so you are stranded in a desert, right and kyle: no. Mat: no man i'm Kyle: no (kyle was later found dead)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? Ten babies nailed to a tree. What's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican are on a boat, stranded in the middle of the ocean. Feeling a bit hot due to the above average temperature of an early april afternoon, the white guy and the mexican strip down to enjoy a refreshing dip in the water a few feet from the boat. The black guy, feeling a bit left-out and perhaps even envious at the apparent fun of the other two, speaks up "Hey fellas, do you think one of you could come sit in the boat so it doesn't float away so that maybe I can enjoy the water too?" Hearing this, the white guy and the mexican look at each other utterly astonished. Grasping for a rebuttal, the white guy gathers some courage and says "Do you really think that's a good idea?... You JUST finished your sandwich."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

American: Nice cowboy hat Australian: hahahahahaha American: What's so funny? Australian: You're so incompetent... American: What does incompetent mean? Australian: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/78/Trollface.svg/200px-Trollface.svg.png

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?............Gangrape

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your mum's so fat, she attends regular weight loss facilities to lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A: A quadriplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the man go to the doctors? He was concerned about his health.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What was the joke about that woman with altsimers again? Ironically I forgot.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the boy fall out of his seat? He was being strangled with a piano wire.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the Indian at the casino? He had a gambling addiction.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Once soon a time there was a boy named steven. He dropped his ice cream because... You know the rest

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You know how I know you're gay? Because you came out to your close family and friends, who were all very respectful and accepting.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops