Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

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Did you know that many scientists will find out what happens after death within your lifetime? But not their lifetime...

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I think my son might be gay. He's started to listen to Justin Bieber, and last week I walked in on him engaging in penetrative anal sex with one of his friends.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have some pints then leave to do their respective tasks for the day.

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What do you call a kid with no friends? ....a Sandy Hook survivor

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If life hands you melons, you might be dyslexic.

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What do a Jew and a homeless man both have in common? They both get nothing for Christmas

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Whats worse then the Holocaust? Chlamydia.

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Do they have a fourth of July in England? Yes, but it is just a sad reminder to them that all the cool people left for America.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Actually it's my cookie jar, and my cookies. I stole nothing.

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Do not use your phone, I repeat DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE, at this point we do not know enough, as for this kid, he is about two minutes from getting his ass locked in a nice prison, I told them he does not know anything, and I will make sure he does not squeal, you should be good, even if I got to take care of him.

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Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

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how do you make a plumber cry? pull up his pants....

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What was the only thing the little boy from tanzania had? AIDS.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

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Knock knock ? Who's there ? Ipe Ipe who ? You sick basterd !

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What's the difference between a black cat and a black cat? Nothing.

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snooki

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? An orange parrot.

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one time at band camp there was a guy guess what he played? no one knows

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Roses are brown, Violets are brown, Tulips are brown, I need to stop working on my flower garden after fisting a cows butthole.

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snowglobe

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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