Why is the little boy sad? His parents died in a car crash.

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Yo momma so fat that when she sat on the bible jesus poped out.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no hands.

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What happens when a right turn is finally made in NASCAR? The driver has successfully changed his tires and has been refueled, now he is pulling out of pit lane.

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A man goes into a bar and gets drunk. He realizes that he is too drunk to drive and calls a cab to bring him home.

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POLITE NOTICE: Management Committee here. Please refrain from posting any anti-jokes which are not offensive to protected groups.

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Why did the man get fired from his Job? The boss became his ex girlfriend 2 minutes ago

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why do thieves shower before undertaking a robbery? Probably part of their morning routine.

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What's your blood type? Red.

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jim is constantly asking bob the same questions, bob brings this to attention and suggests that jim might have amnesia. jim agrees and they move on iwth the conversation. minutes later jim asks a simaler question brought to attention earlier because he has amnesia

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"Oren" Tifa is not around here, besides she does not like you anymore, get lost you wacko!

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms! Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah!

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How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? Ask politely.

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Q: why are anti-jokes tasteless? A: because they have no flavoure

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the shed I'm gonna screw you

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What hurts more than a bullet? A bullet penetrating your skin, muscle and embedding itself in your body

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Think of the worst thing you know of and add dead babies

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John, your son. Now open the door.

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What do you call two Muslims flying an airplane? Pilots

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what does an adhd kid that causes all kind of trouble get? a buncha ass whoopins and some meds to dope his ass up

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Whats better than 7 babies tied to 1 tree 1 baby tied to 7 trees

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how do you open a can of coke with no tab? throw a washing machine at it

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A rooster lays an egg on the tip of a roof. Which side does it fall to? Roosters don't lay eggs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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