Why did the police officer pull over a black guy? He was going over the appropriate speed limit for that area.

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a lamborghini? Dead babies are not sports cars

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Why did Timmy stay home on the day of the big test at the public school? He was homeschooled

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a guy walks into the bedroom with a duck in his arms, his wife is in bed half nakid. he then coments out loud this is the pig im f**king. his wife says huny your holding a duck. then he with a serious look on his face says im sory i wasent talking to you

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What did the Frog say to the other Frog? Nothing they can't speak

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Why was the little boy nervous about playing with the little girl? Because she had gonorrhea.

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Knock Knock Whos there Me Oh, come in

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What did the Mexican parents name their first born son? Nobody knows. He was adopted by a nice family due to the fact that his biological parents were murdered in cold blood. His foster parents named him Kevin.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road? It didn't. Anyone who would believe that is a complete moron.

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Roses are red, pink, white or yellow. Stop stereotyping my arrogant fellow.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Back when seven was in Vietnam, he sufferd Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and constantly has flash backs and irrational thoughts of six being with the veitnamese alliance and tries to viciously molest six whenever he runs out of anxiety medication.

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Whats long, hard, and makes a girl excited? A penis.

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what is green and has wheels grass i lied about the wheels

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My friend was in court for stealling smoothies so i told him to plead innocent and received 10 years in a federal prison and a fine of up too £5000 pounds

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What did the girl say before she jumped a bridge? "Do you think I can jump off this bridge?"

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I really wish That I wasn't color blind

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There are two types of people in the world: 1. people who can extrapolate from incomplete data And I have two wonderful pieces of advice: 1. Never tell anyone everything you know

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Roses are red violets are blue I fucked your mom now im about to fuck you to.

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Pants and God shorts: God: Jews ur my people nao! Jews: Yay we are Gods chosen people! Riches and gRape awaits us! World domination next! God: Well, not quite what I meant but, err... Close enough? Jews: YAY! Moral: So much for "the chosen ones" :(

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what do you get when you you put a knife in a head? a dead body

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I suck at poetry Show me your tits

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Whats worse then the Holocaust? Chlamydia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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