A homeless guy on the brink of starvation found one dollar lying on the street. He took it and bought a lottery ticket at the local drugstore. God was looking down on him with pity that day and decided that day that he would no longer be a vagabond. The next day, the homeless man won the lottery jackpot, worth 100 million dollars. He declared that on that day, he was the luckiest and happiest man alive. He then woke up in a pile trash.

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whats worse than bitting into ur apple and finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just murded noddy and his family who were making a nice little home in there

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to go well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that when his wife was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas, despite that the tank was full and she only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrendous car accident that caused the fuel to empty and catch fire. Mary survived but their 6 month old baby was killed.

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Sidney was a man, but not just any man... He was a fishmonger.

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What did the scuba diver say to his partner when he got stuck in some seaweed. Something that sort of sounded like glug, or maybe blub, or some other sound you would hear trying to talk underwater.

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a black man and a squirrel get hit on two different roads what's the difference? well for starters theyre two different species. a squirrel is much smaller than a human and has his own mark on society. the man will be missed dearly by his family and if the impact with the car wasnt bad, he may have a chance to make it out alive at the hospital. the squirrel however is not so lucky. it will be left to die on the street or would have died on impact already with sadly no squirrel hospital to tend to it.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. A.Knock knock B. Who's there? A.Not Susie

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OMG SOHPIE IS SOOOOO GREAT AT BLOWING Josh Brown xoxo

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What did the penguin say to the tiger? I'm in the wrong country.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't the farmer shot him before he could have a chance at freedom.

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To tell the truth... Your really an abortion that grew

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three wars.

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a pornstar comes early to a party

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What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of tree? A Pool Table

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Why did Sally fall of the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock.. Who's there? Not Sally!

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What did the racist southerner say to the snide lawyer? "I have AIDS."

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A Catholic priest has the choice between spending an hour with a young girl or a young boy. Which does he choose? Neither because that's illegal and completely immoral for a priest.

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If Jimmy had 5 apples and his brother had 5 apples then their father would have been married to their mother before they were born.

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Why does Miley Cyrus make sex tapes It's the only acting job she can get

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A giant foot comes over the town and a man says "theres something big afoot" hahahahahahaha

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Basically copying you.

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You're mother has had a heart attack in the middle of the street, you start to sing amazing grace hoping people will join in, but unfortunatly this is not a musical and you should call 911.

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What do you call 100 Americans at the bottom of the ocean? A US submarine crew.

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How many Russians can you fit in a Mini Cooper? It depends on how big they are.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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