A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

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Two fish are sitting in a tank. One says, "I'll man the guns. You drive."

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I saw a coin one day but never picked it up. It was still there the next day and then the day after that when it was still there I saw a girl being sick on it...

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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What poops,smells bad,burps,wears diapers,farts,and screams spank me with a bib on That Depends what you do on saturday nights

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Why do people on here submit anti-jokes involving children getting raped or killed? Because the people on this website are sadists. =/

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Why did Dom move to Wales? Because he is poor!

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak and will soon have her institutionalized.

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What happened to the boy who survived a tragic car accident?? He stepped out of the car and got hit by a semi.

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A man agreed with a camel. The camel didn't agree. ... (This joke does only make sense in the Dutch language.)

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SHUT UP JP

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Yo mama so stupid that when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead

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Where did Little Johnny go when the bomb hit? Everywhere.

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do you no what im doing? writing this joke.

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where was the heart of ocean found. madelain mcanns urn

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What did nearly headless nick say when he became headless nick. Nothing because he doesnt have a head

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A dog got into a gingerbread house. She ate some and brought some to the basement it got on the couch!

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A man walks into a butchers and asks for a loaf of bread the butcher replies " no im a butcher" The man says " its ok my bikes outside"

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Guy finds lamp in the desert and rubs it three times. No genie appears because there's no such thing as magic.

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Why is six afraid of seven? SE7EN!

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A black man walks into a store with a gun. He is a policeman bringing in a murder weapon as part of his investigation.

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Wanna hear a joke? 9-11

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what do you call cheese that's not yours? cheese that you stole.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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