My mother-in-law fell down a stairway. I turned to my wife and said “Call an ambulance!!”

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What's the main difference between dogs and children? When children reach their teen years they grow up and leave home. When dogs reach their teen years they die of old age.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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save me from the nothing ive become

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Why Do Black People Love Watermelon? Because Its A Delicious Fruit.

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Roses are red violets are blue I can't rhyme fridge

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How do you get pikachu onto a bus? You can't. Pikachu is a fictional creature and therefore does not exist.

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Want to hear a joke? Womens rights.

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Why did the boy eat the hedgehog? Because it made his mouth bleed,

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Jimmy wanted a bike for Christmas He got cancer instead.

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why was 6 jealous of 7? 7 had a huge dick.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked Jill if she wanna. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and had a little fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son

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Q: How do you solve a problem like Maria. A: You kill her. You kill Maria.

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Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Answer: because he had no guts

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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How do you make your grandma fly? Push her off the back of a plane.

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FOX News: Fair and balanced

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what did the homeless man say to the stranger? nothing, he let he let his gun do the talking

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What is green and if it fell on you from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Whats worse than losing your keys? Your entire family dying in a preventable house fire.

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Why did the other reindeer make fun of Rudolph? He had one nut

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what happens when you throw a green rock into the red sea? -- it gets wet

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How many girls does ittake to screw in a lightbulb? Doesnt matter as long as dinner is on the table by 6:00

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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