Q: If it takes a chicken a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, then how long would it take a monkey to kick the seeds off of a dill pickle. A: I don't know. That's a stupid question.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. His face bumped into something that was soft, squishy, smooth, and round... It was a balloon. Someone was having a birthday party.

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Wh do you call a Zeebra without black and white stripes? A horse

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It's all Taggart

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Why did Helen Kelley's dog run away I'd run away to if my name was. Ughgughgughgiggughfufh.

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Did you hear about the cannibal who ate the Olympic record sprinter? He's in prison for first-degree murder & crimes against humanity.

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say cheese

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Why are Chinese people short? Chinese people are often exposed to harmful chemicals because of lax environmental laws, and suffer from poor nutrition.

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Q: A young friend you met on the internet invites you over to his house. When you arrive, Chris Hansen enters the room. What does he say? A: Welcome to our home

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Why did the man talk to the potato? Because hes stupid.

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What do you call a person that smells like shite and chases uglier girls than him? .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . Smelly McD the smelly cunt

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How much cocain did Charlie sheen do? Enough to kill 2 and a half men

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Q: Why did Grandma fall down the stairs? A: Because she had a brain hammerage

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What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? Trying to sell a used truck with dead baby stains all over it.

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one.

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A man walks into a bar, he obtains an alcoholic beverage from the store neighboring this bar which he bumped into.

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Well, that depends if the apocalypse was happening and if there were even any Americans left at all.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the slaughterhouse was on the other side.

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Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

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So a blonde, brunete, and red head are all on the side of the road for prostitution. so a man walks up to the red head with money. she takes it and runs off. a man goes up to the bruenete and hands her money, but she also takes it and runs. so a man walks up to the blond with money and she says "wait...we get paid to do this?"

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what is so fun about having sex with twenty six year olds? There is a high possibility their breasts have developed, thus equaling more pleasure for you.

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A duck walks into a bar and says, "Have you got any grapes?" The bartender replies "No." The duck then leaves but returns the next day and again asks, "Have you got any grapes?" And again the bartender answers, "No." This happens again the next day and in annoyance the bartender yells, "If you come in tomorrow and ask if I have any grapes, then I will nail your feet to the floor!" The next day the duck came into the bar and asked, "Have you got any nails?" to which the bartender replied, "Yes." The duck then walked out of the bar

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How many women are in the world? a little over 3.2 billion because statistics show that there are roughly 51-52% females in the whole population of humans

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your mom is so fat that she should probably try a deit in the neer future.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops