Your mother is so fat that when she sits around the house, she feels bad about herself but is too embarrassed to get a gym membership and work-out in public.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Dave: Heyy Steve! Steve: Oh heyy Dave! Dave: The word of the day is legs! Steve: so? Dave: So lets go back to your place and spread the word? Steve: ....How about right now? ;) Both: HEY EVERYONE..WE'RE GUNNA HAVE SEX!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the black man good at basketball? Because he practiced.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than five babies in one trash can? One baby in five trash cans.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did one friend say on his friend's myspace page? You need a Facebook

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Where do you study to get a good education? A library, at home, or at another quiet location where it is easy to concentrate.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the little girl say to her step father? Please stop raping me

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red violets are blue suck my **** and I'll **** you too

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I wrote a joke for 'Anti-Joke', I laughed, it was funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A dog walks into a bar, the bartender quickly says to its owner that he must leave as dogs are not allowed in. Upon realizing that it is a seeing eye dog, the bartender retracts his statement and serves the owner a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

When A White Man Sees A Magic Trick - He Claps When A Black Man Sees A Magic Trick - He Does Handstands, Celebrations, And Shouts

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats good about poland... fukk all

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There are 2 kinds of people in this world... 1.Those who need closure.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many apples come from trees? None, not a single one of em'

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar and sees a woman starring at him, she seems attractive... he walks up to her and realizes that sheis quite mediocre if not even ugly. He proceeds to say "You'll do"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken run across the road? It was 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, Violets at blue. My mind is twisted, Bend over bitch your about to get fisted.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what's the difference between a duck?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why didn't the poor man buy a candy bar? He wasn't hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops