what do you call a dog with not legs? it doesn't matter what you call it, its not coming

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What did the black man say to the mexican? Hello

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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A blonde enters a bar and orders an elevator.

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I`m not as random as you think i`m salad.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? You're in-laws. Bet you wish I said banana

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Black People

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Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy plus size clothes because small size clothes would be inappropriate for her to wear.

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Knock Knock. Whos there? Victor. Victor who? Victor Secret, the gay door to door lingerie salesman. Can i interest you in a plastic cup holder?

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. Where's my tractor?

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Why did the wee boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a truck.

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What did the man do when he dropped his bar of soap. He picked it up

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What's worse than dying in the holocaust Dying on the last day of the holocaust

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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Why isn't pluto a planet anymore? Nasa decided it was too small

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Why did the pony go to the Doctor's? It had Horse AIDS.

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Gay's

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What do you call Jake Morter? Jake Morter

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Boss: Do you know what lazy means? Employer: Yes, adopting a child.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Get in the van.

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Whats worse than runing over a box of kittens? Runing over two boxes of kittens.

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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I never knew I was dyslexic. Then one day I showed up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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