"I see London; I see France..." "Wow. You must have exceptional eyesight."

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One day, 2 people were gonna fight after school and then the final bell rung. The fight began and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing you say when you don't want to fight anymore and you let the other person win?" The other guy says to the challanger, "I give up?" Then the challenger yells. "I WIN!"

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If a brick said "hi" what you reply with? Nothing. You can't reply to something that doesn't speak.

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What is the difference between my pet goldfish and an african village? My pet goldfish has water.

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Why did the man cross the road? Because the light was red!

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What's big fat and hairy? Peter

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Why did the black man fall down the stairs? Because he was blind

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Whats Brown and Sticky A) a stick

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What do you tell a women with two black eyes? Nothing, you've already told her twice..

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"My dog doesn't have a nose" "How does it smell?" "It can't. It bled to death."

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bangers and mash?

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Q: If you are debating whether to smoke marijuana, consider: what will your mother say when she finds your corpse? A: As a relatively harmless and non-addictive substance, Marijuana was most likely not the cause of my child’s death. It was probably AIDS.

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what is the difference between an octopus and a dead dolphin? one as tentacles the other is dead.

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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Knock Knock Whos there? Knock knock? Whos there? Knock knock. WHOS IS THERE?!?!? Knock Knock is, my name is Knock Knock.

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Whats the best part about having sex with 25 year olds? There 20 of them.

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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has anybody else just skipped to the short ones

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

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What did the lawyer name is daughter? Caroline, in honor of his grandmother who died in THe Holocaust.

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How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

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Steve asks Dave if he likes fish sticks. Dave says yes. Steve asks Dave if he likes to put fish sticks in his mouth. Dave says yes again. They both agree to buy some, prepare them, and eat them, as fish stick are tasty, convenient, and mildly nutritious.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie-pop? zero if you bite it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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