Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Once upon a time there lived 3 polar bears; a mummy polar bear, a daddy polar bear and a baby polar bear. Ond day the baby polar bear said to the daddy polar bear "I don't feel like a polar bear, I'm cold!" and the daddy polar bear said "You look like a polar bear."

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A man walks into a bar and says give me a 84 bourbon, when he gets it he spits it out and says this is no 84 bourbon this is a 74 scotch, So he asks for a 68 brandy , when he gets it he spits it out again in disgust saying this isn't a 68 brandy this is a 87 whiskey!, than the old man next to him says here try this, the man says what is it?, the old man just says try it, so the man does, he spits it out and shouts this is urine!, the old man says correct, now tell me how old i am.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are Red Violets are Blue Some poems have endings

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you tell the difference between Lila and derrek ashmore? Oh wait they both have vaginas

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What would Marylin Monroe be doing right now if she was alive? Clawing her way out of her coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q:whats big white and falls out of trees A:a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the empty bar stool say to the one next to him? "You look like you have a lot on your shoulders!"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What the problem with writing an anti-joke? Trying to not come up with a punchline.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If a chicken and a half lays an egg and half in a half of a day how long does it take a monkey with a peg leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats better then free candy from a guy in a van? Trying to find his lost puppy so his kids don't cry.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Seriosly. too much sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A frog, duck, monkey and beaver each enter a bar being carried by a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. If your wondering, the redhead carried two animals.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why does Tom Sawyer like apples? He likes their flavor

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Two muffins are cooking in the oven, they say nothing to one another as muffins can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q:what is long ,black and red but smells like poo.? A:poo from someone dying of bowel cancer.!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why do Mexicans always have heart burn? Because the food is spicy.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did Geoar Bush say after a journalist ask what he was going to do about Katrina? Where gonna find her we do think she has some connection with Alkida .

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you make an onion cry? Onions are incapable of crying

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops