What starts with F and ends in UCK? The F word but im not allowed to say it.

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Whats the difference between a watermelon and babies I don't have a pile of dead watermelon in my basement

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What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels

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Why did the black man eat KFC? Because he got hungry.

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What's worser than dieing? Living-being tortured while at it too

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Q: Whats the deifference between me and you A: The fact that im the beautiful one -RDV

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Why did the Hispanic man have drugs in his pocket? He had just gone to the pharmacy.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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You know whats annoying? Steve

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A Rabbi walks into a bar. He does not order any alcoholic beverages, because Orthodox Jews aren't allowed to consume alcohol except for certain times and religious customs.

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Why couldn't Horton hear a who? He was a loaf of bread.

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How did the man escape the giant scorpion? He didn't he watched as his family died and waited for his demise crying in the corner of the scorpion's layer

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How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb?? None it is physically impossible

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When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time.

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Baby you're so hot I have an erection the size of an average penis.

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How do you get free money? Hire a black man to rob a bank.

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On Friday the 13th,My cat turned into a dog.

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Theres a girl you like, and a you are playing football with friends. You see the girl about to get hit by the ball, but you catch it. She says "Your a life-saver" and hugs you "You scream touchdown!!!" to impress her, you spike the ball on the ground and it hits her in the face.

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Wanna here a joke? Dylan Shipleys penis!!!

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What's the difference between a Christian and a Jew? One believes in Jesus, the other doesn't.

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I man sees a shooting star and makes a wish. Nothing happens as shooting stars are incapable of granting wishes.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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Straight man: Gays can't have babies so they shouldn't be allowed to have sex. Gay man: But you got a vasectomy last year, so you can't make babies either. The straight man sees the irony, realizes how judgmental he has been and never has sex again because he maintains his opinion that gays shouldn't have sex.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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