Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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how long does it take chuck norris to watch a 24 hour video 24 hours

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a boy walks into a hospital ward, and procedes to break down into tears because his family died

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Why would Bill Clinton like Jess so much? Cause he has a vagina, smells like shit, and has cankles.

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Why did the clown's ballon animal pop? He was a victim in a drive by shooting.

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Why didn't John get a present for Christmas? Because John died eight months ago.

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When life throws you lemons, Throw grenades.

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Your mom is so fat, that i don't think she's attractive anymore.

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A hooded black man walks into a pharmacy, he caught a cold due to the gelid weather and bought some medicine for himself.

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Richard Gere has a girlfriend called Goldie

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How can you tell if your roomate is gay? If he gets an erection when you have anal sex with him.

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What's green and has wheels? grass... i lied about the wheels

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What's the difference between an alien and Obama? - Nothing they are both aliens.

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An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

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Why was Susie's mom crying? Because Susie got hit by a bus

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A neutron walks into a bar. The barman says, "for you, no charge." The neutron replies, "very funny asshole, you're just going to put it on my tab after I pass out."

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What did God say to Adam and Eve? Be fruitful

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Yo mama so fat she has to wear large clothes

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whats then difference between a jew and a pizza ? A pizza doesnt scream when its put in the oven .

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What's worse than a guy staring at you? Two guys staring at you.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman

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"bus driver pressed the horn at my mum and she stuck a finger up at him " Not the first time she's got the horn and shoved a finger up

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Roses are niggas Violets are niggas I'm lil Wayne niggas rhymes with niggas

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You killed my brother and call me the antichrist? Its lovable: Jesus said on the cross, I shall return. Then he returned three days later to say goodbye to his people. Moral: What the **** are you Åsshats waiting for? The third coming? He died for their sins, not for yours... WELCOME TO HELL!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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