Simon says why the hell are we playing Simon say!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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A: Did you know that cashews come from a fruit? B: Not really. This is an interesting fact. Any other facts you have? A: yes ("A" was lying)

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge asked "Mum, why is my name Fridge?" to which she replied "Because you deserve to be in one."

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How did the little boy die? Malaria Why? He was poor. Why? A Jew stole his money.

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well use a tissue!

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A bunch of teens were egging the house of their science teacher for giving them homework over break. They got caught by their teacher's ex-husband and he told them, "She broke up with me for telling her she was being too hard on her students. So, my friends, egg on!!!!!"

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a man walks into a bar, when he leaves he thinks he can hold his liquor and kills a mother and two children attempting to drive home.

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I asked her where you were.

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Why was it really gross when the blonde dove into the swimming pool? Because the swimming pool was full of phlegm!

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

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Whats big and red and eats rocks? A big red rockeater.

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Your mom is so stupid, she didn't know the answer to 2+5

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink.

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Why does the man have mayonaise in his pants? A: I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me.

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what in the world is smarter than the world's smartest man? Nothing he is the smartest man.

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A Chinese man and an African man walk into a bar. Its good to see so much multiculturalism in a usually racist society.

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1 111111 1 1 11111111111 1 1 111111 1

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Man one: Why does the moon look like a face? Man two: I don't know, why? Man one: I don't know either, that's why i asked....

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First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

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How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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Hey Patrick what am i ? Ebola No im Texas! What's the difference?

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once upon a time a guy thought he wrote an original anti joke but it wasnt

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What did Tarzan say when the elephants came over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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