So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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What did the elf say to Santa I'm not making any more toys fat ass.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I had some crack, my unicorn says hi.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was content where he was.

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A bloke walked in to a bakers shop and asked for a loaf of bread. Certainly sir, said the assistant, white or brown?...it doesn't matter, answered the man, I've left my bike outside

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What's similar between the Alabama Crimson Tide and a maggot? They've both been feeding off of a dead Bear for 30 years...

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What is green and red and is going super fast? A frog in a blender.

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What did the zen master say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything,

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what did the astronomer say when he lost his telescope? where is my telescope?

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what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

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Bob: This joke is so hilarious but you must start off by saying knock knock. Tom: okay... Knock knock Bob: who's there? Tom: ...... Bob: well? Tom: I don't know what to say??? Bob: so the joke left ya speechless!

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i quit soccer because science happened and then i forgot how to screw in a lightbulb

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why did superman die, aids he got from wonder women

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What do you call a woman who is addicted to crack, has a light mustache and huge saggy tits, has had 4 kids with 4 different fathers and makes her living giving hand-jobs behind the bus station? Mom.

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What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A:porn

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cock in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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Ask me if I'm a rock. Are you a rock? No.

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Why didn't Billy's parents get him any birthday presents? Billy was an accident.

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good looking women

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A: Can I get a tall white Russian. B: No. A: Why not? B: Because this is a Barnes and Nobles. However, we do have a Starbucks, and I can offer you a venti caramel iced coffee"

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What did the man do when he ran out of milk? He went to the store to get some more milk!

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What happens when Chuck Norris and Mr. T get into a car accident? They trade insurance information.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops