What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's the difference between Elmo and Cookie Monster? One of them doesn't listen to Michelle Obama

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How long does it take for light to travel a light-year ? A year.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

You!!!!!! Cause your whole existence is just one big joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What smells like bananas but is invisible? Monkey farts

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q:If quizes are, "guizicles," then what are tests? A:Who calls quizes, "quizicles?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

My teacher told me to so a report on women rights.....I turned in a blank sheet! ^.^

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whats red and looks like a bucket? -a red bucket Whats blue and looks like a bucket? -a red bucket disguised as a blue bucket

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's is the worst thing america has done? Jersey Shore, We mad those idiots rich.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Jesse likes to jack off and lick the white stuff off of his balls and digest it

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you kill a dumb blonde? Stab them in the chest 43 times.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How did the Mexican get across the boarder? He applied for a student visa. He was a promising young scholar who had no trouble being accepted to a prestigious college.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why can't Julius Caesar use a cell phone? Because he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Yo mama so ugly... she has an extremely bad burn on her face.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your mom.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats red and green and has 8 wheels. a stick

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's black and white and red all over? A seriously infected scab.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Damn, I was gonna do my laundry but Amanda Todd drank all my bleach

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a human being and one is an inanimate object that people enjoy sitting on.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the father say to his son, who incidently shot his brother while they were playing with a gun home alone? "It happens." He then hung himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops