roses are red violets are blue i am retarded i like pancakes

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what did the blind kid boy get for Christmas? he doesn't know because his parents are mute.

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What did one jobless cancer cell say to the other? Lets go get Jobs.

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josh moran where your Bluetooth gone?

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whats worse than unloading a truck of dead babies with pitch forks? Finding one alive

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Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew? A boy scout gets to come home after camp.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have altzhiemers Cheese on toast.

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Why was the boy in front of the adoption center sad? He lost his lolly-pop.

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i was born with 99 medical problems, and the difficulty to count till 100.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A mechanical wheelchair.

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a man walks into a bar. he gets a beer and talks to his friends. he then goes home.

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1 111111 1 1 11111111111 1 1 111111 1

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Q. What do you do when you cross an elephant, and a soccer ball. A. That would never happen.

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What did the foreigners do to pass time? They blew up the twin towers.

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have stage IV Ovarian Cancer.

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First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

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Knock knock Whos there your son your son who holy shit dad just let me in

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Give her a cheese-grater and tell her it's a book.

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Why did the Democrat cross the road? Because the glorious leader ordered it for all minions

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A man walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar stool. He then proceeds to look over and said a man in a suit and tie open up the window , jumps, and begins to float in mid air. In amazement he approaches the man. He says " That's amazing! How do you do that?" The man in the suit and tie replies "Drink this liquid and you will be able to fly." The man with excitement quickly rushes to the window, opens it, and suddenly falls to his death. The bartender says to the man with the suit and tie " Superman, you're a real dick when your drunk."

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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