Why don't you ever want to greet your friend Jack on the plane? Because your wife cheated on you with him and she is having his baby, if you were to even think about talking to Jack, you'd end up slitting his throat and throwing him off the side of the plane into a crocodile pit where they will make a feast of his body for the next couple days... So just don't greet Jack

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Why didn't the man walk up the stairs? He had an acorn stairlift.

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A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel on his crotch, and the bartender says, "What's that?" and the pirate says, "A deadly tumor."

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A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

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Q What happened to the kid with diabetis and a one legged mom A. He got hit by a bus

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car. -Tag

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A boy is diagnosed with terminal cancer. His family prays for him and he still dies.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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Jamie Oliver eats a chip

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why did u put your iphone in the blender?!?!? because i wanted to make apple juice..

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How much does Michael Vick love his dogs? More than Casey Anthony loved her daughter.

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Q: What was the proctologist doing on the street? A: He was observing the assfault.

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What's the difference between an apple and a baby. An apple is a fruit. A baby is a human being.

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What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

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Why couldn't the baby play with the blocks? It died during birth.

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sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

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What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

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What do you call a woman when you're inside her? Mom.

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A successful, articulate, charming, well mannered, rich, young man walks into a bar.... Every night

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How do you make a baby fit in a bottle? Blender.

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What do you calla baby nailed to a wall? Art.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Pickles.

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An Irishman walks into a bar.....Duh.

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I man walks into a bar. He drinks four beers, gives the bartender his keys, and takes a cab home. The next day he gets his best friend to drop him off at the bar, picks up his car, and is three minutes early to work.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops