A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

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Knock Knock. Erm, sorry to be weird, but can you perhaps use the doorbell, because it's new and has a novelty chime. I'm proud of it and get a little chuckle everytime it rings in the vain hope that, perhaps you, the visitor, may also find it entertaining. Who's there anyway?'

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1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

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A woman gets home from bying tampons to use later in the month. She walks into the house and sees a heart box with a note from her husband of 5 years. The note reads: Roses are red - violets are blue - Fudge Is Sweet - Heres some Fudge...........She then puts the note down, eats the fudge, and has diarrhea a few hours later. The husband comes home and feels bad because he forgot that fudge upsets his wife's stomach. Later that night the wife asks her husband to have anal sex with her. The husband agrees but later regrets his action since his dick is now discolored and smells of shit..........Two days later the family dog dies. The wife and husband mourn. I like cheese

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Why was the black man running? Because he was playing capture the flag.

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Why did the Mexican fail his english test? Because he had studied for an inadequate amount of time and proceeded to fornicate with many women, also preventing him from sleeping for the advised 7-8 hours a night.

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Whats worse than getting an "F" on a test? Stage diving with a kilt on.

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What's wrong with black people? They tend to make mistakes, as do all humans

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Scream went into the bar. The bartender says," Why the long face?" "..." *facepalm*

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Why am I constipated? I ate fiber glass insulation.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One, usually.

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wanna here a joke? you.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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What did the man with no head get for Christmas? Nothing he was dead

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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roses are red violets are blue grass is green

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How do you make an onion cry? Onions are incapable of crying

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank

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what do u call a joke with no punchline? A non-harmful joke

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But there's a sound Dumbledore knows... What does the Fawkes say?

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Drugs, Johnny was a convicted drug dealer, age 19.

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YO FACE

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Everything's brown Who shit on my flowers

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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